Look – I already know that I’m ridiculous. Especially when it comes to not feeling well. I Google everything. This one takes the cake though.

I started T on February 24, 2017 – for the first few months, (days really) I would look at myself in the mirror and swear I saw something different about myself. I’d ask people all the time, “do I look different” or “do you see anything new?” Same answer, no. It didn’t matter though because I FELT different. Looking back at those first few months is funny though because I didn’t look different at all. It’s funny how when you make the right decision, you see things differently. I WANTED to see things – it happens both gradually and suddenly.

You won’t notice any real differences but your face starts to get leaner – a few whiskers pop up. When I started getting hair on my chin, I walked around talking about I had a beard. We’re talking like 8-10 small strands of hair. Now, 22 months later, full on patch and mustache – that I get cut at the barber.

The phase I’ve disliked the most was the chunky phase. It’s like you’re swollen. Your face is a little different, your shoulders pop out and up a bit but I was just kind of round. I went to the doctor in October of 2017 and and weighed 206 lbs. I stepped on the scale today, December 12, 2018 and I’m at 170.3. I haven’t been super active this year – I coach basketball so I walk up and down the sidelines, I work at my mom’s shop and carry things from time to time – but I haven’t changed what I’ve eaten or really started working out.

I was a college basketball player and my playing weight fluctuated between 137-142 lbs. I’ll NEVER be that weight again, don’t want to be… but this is where the cancer scare comes into play. Remember, I told you I’m ridiculous.

So, I’m sitting at my desk this morning and I cough – and when I cough, my back pops. Can barely walk – it hurts right now as I type. So I’m looking it up – like if I take another step am I going to be paralyzed? O.o It comes up with all of this stuff about strains and pulls and sprains but then it also says under other symptoms – UNINTENDED WEIGHT LOSS of more than 5% of body weight in 6-12 months can mean cancer. (I’m paraphrasing).

It also doesn’t help that two weeks ago my mom pulls me aside and says, “Are you ok? You’re losing a lot of weight. Are you unhealthy?” I laughed it off and said, no I was just kinda huge before. Then TODAY I passed someone at work and he says, (in his MOST concerned voice) “You losing weight? You alright?” So I mean, I’m like dang…

I start calculating and calling the doctor’s office to figure out what I weighed when, got out my calculator trying to do 5% calculations… I’m like geez… is it your lung? That would explain the back and you’re just losing weight. I was just about to call a family meeting when I hit up another friend who has been on T for years and sent him this text:

I don’t think he needed to make his first response laughter but hey, what are friends for.

I guess what I’m trying to say is – we FTMs on T probably don’t have cancer. So that’s a good thing.